We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
