whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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