If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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