They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
