Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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