i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
