Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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