Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
