i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
