shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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