Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
