Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
