Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
