I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just google imaged poop.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize