We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize