don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
