so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Im part way to drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
