My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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