Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
