you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize