Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I did not marry a roomba.
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