I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were destined to go to rehab together
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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