What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just had sex on a roof
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize