People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
