READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
