He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize