The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
