I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
