Your tits are I can't wait for
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am one with the molecules
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
