Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
