it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
