why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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