My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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