I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
