A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i think i just lost a toe
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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