not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
