Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
