They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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