im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
