Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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