i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
