I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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