I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
