omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
