I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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