I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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