They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
