I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My pussy is not your playground.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
