the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
