I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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