WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
