Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
