There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
