update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
