I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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