I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize