You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
