Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
