i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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