i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
