i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
