I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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