No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
