she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
3 2 1 whiskey
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
