after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
