Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize