Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
