That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
