i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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