I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
