I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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