mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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