I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
