i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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