I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
