im drinking this country out of the recession.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize