1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
