Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
