if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
