bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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