found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
