Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
