I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
