Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
