paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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