I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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