At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
