He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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