you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
