I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize