I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
