my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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