I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
