I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This house was built for laser tag.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
