Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
